Written by Sarah Harrison
“New year, new me!”
“This year will be better!”
“My new years resolution is…"
If you find yourself uttering these familiar phrases every January, only to feel disheartened come December when nothing seems to have changed, you are not alone. It is natural to desire change, whether it involves improving your health, pursuing a new career, or simply trying something new.
While it can feel exhilarating initially to set a resolution, I tend to wonder: Are we more excited about the end goal than the journey itself? Every day, every moment is
a journey, so shouldn't that be the exciting part?
Let's look at our approach to these goals, which often sets us up for disappointment.
The pressure
The pressure of adhering to a rigid New Year’s resolution can be overwhelming. Sometimes we demand more from ourselves than we are capable of giving. Our lives are often jam-packed, and society continually encourages us to "fit more in." Yet, is that truly feasible, and what does it feel like to attempt it? If you treated the upcoming year as a cherished friend, would you burden them with such unrealistic expectations? Our lives should be nurtured and appreciated, much like our personal growth.
The trap of self-defeat
When the year does not unfold as planned, it is easy to dismiss it as a failure, leading to the all-too-common cycle of waiting for the next New Year to try again. This mindset can become a pitfall, leaving us feeling stuck and unfulfilled.
Comparing
We often fall into the trap of comparing our progress with others, especially those who appear to have achieved their goals effortlessly. Bombarded by polished advertising promoting the latest "must-haves" for success, we may overlook the hard work and sacrifices others have made along the way. Consequently, shame and self- criticism emerge, further hindering our progress.
Overwhelm of Multiple Goals
As a friend of mine aptly put it, she tends to "multi-goal," setting several objectives simultaneously, leading to overwhelm. This approach can result in burnout and disillusionment when targets are not met, causing self-reproach rather than self-acceptance.
The Fantasy of Effortlessness
Another prevalent pitfall is the fantasy of achieving our goals without acknowledging the potential obstacles that may arise. When real-life challenges occur, we might abandon our intentions instead of granting ourselves the compassion we deserve for prioritising different needs at that moment. Remember, we can always resume our journey at any time; there are 365 days to start again in a year why hinge it all on one?
Embracing Freedom of Intentions
So, how can we navigate the minefield of expectations and disappointments? The answer lies in altering our focus from rigid goals to more fluid intentions.
According to the Oxford Dictionary, a goal is defined as "the object of a person's ambition or effort; an aim or desired result." In contrast, an intention is "a thing intended; an aim or plan." The key distinction lies in the emphasis on effort. Goals often imply that without significant effort, success is unattainable, which may not be realistic for everyone. Imposing strict timelines—especially yearly ones—can feel punishing and unfair, disregarding life's complexities.
In contrast, setting intentions allows for a greater sense of reality and freedom in daily living. Rather than the burden of a rigid expectation, an intention recognizes the nuances of life. You may still strive for change or improvement, but without guilt or excessive pressure.
The overwhelming nature of New Year’s resolutions can give rise to disappointment and low self-esteem. Instead of placing ourselves on a hamster wheel of self-doubt and comparison, we can embrace intentions as more compassionate and fluid pathways for growth.
Reframing Your Mindset
As you step into the new year, consider reframing your mindset. Instead of making a resolution, aim to set gentle intentions that nurture your spirit and accommodate the shifts that life inevitably brings. Your journey toward self-improvement may become a bit more joyful, and your spirit significantly lighter.
Take a moment to acknowledge how far you’ve come. Reflect on the past year and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they may seem. For instance, my daughter and I maintain a list displayed on our wall that we update throughout the year—a collection of accomplishments, adventures, or significant changes we’ve made. We enjoy reading it on New Year’s Eve, reminding ourselves of our growth and experiences. Some people find joy in filling a jar with sentimental items or maintaining an email folder of cherished photos and mementos. Whatever method resonates with you, ensure it holds meaning and authenticity.
Remember, it is not only the grand milestones that matter; it is the little moments that collectively shape your world. Embrace them all, for they contribute to the beautiful tapestry of your life. I like to call these experiences “glimmers of life.”
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